Now that I have ended our Association with this psychologist that we took our daughter to I find myself reflecting back on my recovery from the trauma that I had been through as a child.
After many years of being manipulated and drugged it was not an easy process to remove the drugs from my system. The doctors, teachers, and other adults in my life were very good at manipulating me into self medicating which I imagine was there ultimate objective.
Withdraw for me was a long and painful process which did not start till after I moved away from home at age 19. Like other victims of trauma you at first don’t notice what has happened to you. I don’t think my wife truly understood just how damaged I was at the time. She had been a big part of my life since high school. To be honest the shock of this experience did not sink in till after I escaped my prison and the abuse which was inflicted upon me. To this day I have not fully recovered.
The withdraw from these psychiatric drugs at times was a terrifying experience. My beloved and ever loving wife Mary-Ann was even at times quite scarred for me because of what was happening. I have a vague memory of something that happened very early in our marriage as part of the withdraw that I was going through and it seems at times still am going through now. I had a very real and terrifying auditory and visual hallucination. This hallucination caused me to cower in a closet terrified of what I perceived to be happening. My wife was quite afraid at that time. She had no experience dealing with this sort of thing. She had no idea what to do or how to handle it. She tells me that she wanted to call 911. I would not blamed her for doing that. Thankfully she did not as that would of made things worse, likely lead to being hospitalized and drugged again.
I had suffered seizures which are classic side effects of withdraw from these drugs. While I was born with epilepsy it had been years since I had a seizure, only after removing myself form the drugs which don’t control epilepsy did I start to have seizures again. while they were not frequent like as a child the effect on my mind was and is directly connected to the withdraw from these drugs.
My wife has stood by my side for years. She did not leave but rather stood by me and helped me recover as the trauma of this experience began to effect me in a way that I can never fully recover from.
I want to send a loving and huge thank you to her for her support, love and compassion. There are so many parts of me that haunt me to this day. She has stood by me in my weakness as I worked to recover from this traumatizing experience.
Alanis Morissette has a song called empathy. This song I feel expresses the gratitude in words that I have for my dearest wife. I would encourage you to view the video of this song here
as she says in this song
Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I’m healed by your empathy
Oh this intimacy
Thank you Mary-Ann for loving me and staying by my side despite my anger, hostility at times. you knew when you took me into your heart that I was an emotional roller coaster but it was a ride you were and still are today willing to ride with me to the end. Your love, compassion and empathy have healed me. You have done more for me than anyone “professional” has done. You saw into my soul, my heart and mind and have always just known what to do, what to say. Your never ending support has brought me through the fires of hell and back.
I have shared with you the darkest parts of my soul. I have shared with you my deepest and darkest emotions. You have earned my trust because of your loving compassion. It is only because of you that I am here today. You are the reason I am the man I am today. Without you I would of had no hope of recovery and would be victimized to this day. Because of your support and never ending love, compassion, empathy I was able to recover from this abuse and torture at the hands of evil.
You dived into the fires of hell and pulled me out. I don’t know if you knew what you were getting into but you did not care for that but you cared for me. You loved me when no one else would. You understand me. You open my eyes to love that I had begun to believe did not exist in this world.
Mary-Ann because of you I have been saved from the demons that haunt me. Those demons are still there but because of you they can no longer harm me. You have been my guardian. You have been my warrior and help defend me against the evil which was afflicted my mind and soul and you have helped me when I was in pain. You have freed me from the poison of the drugs which has so afflicted me. Without your loving kindness and support I don’t know where I would be today but I do know that I would not have the emotional strength to live.
Mary-Ann I cannot thank you enough to holding me up while I withdrew from the drugs that caused so much harm. I thank you for understanding me and supporting my decision to stop seeing this Doctor.
Mary-Ann you have healed me. It is your love and compassion which have healed me. I am still scarred and still hurt emotionally because of this experience but because of you I can bear the torment and anguish of my soul that this cause me. I can live a normal life and be happy because of you. You have taken away so much of my pain and replaced it with love and happiness. Your love and compassion have saved me, healed me and have given me the will to live. You are the reason I am alive today, You are the reason I am un-medicated today. You are the reason I can live a normal life today.
I can never repay you for what you have done for me. If every woman was like you the devil and his minions of psychiatry would have no hope. so THANK YOU.